flexibeast.space - gemlog - 2023-12-28

Some of what being an ‘owner’ means to me

i've been an ‘owner’, in the kink sense, for well over a decade now, across two different relationships. In one relationship, a former partner (now friend) was my ‘property’:

“Kink contracts”

And nowadays, i have an owner/‘possession’ dynamic with a current long-term partner.

i get the impression that for many people, this sort of ‘ownership’ implies sexual and/or romantic exclusivity. This has never been the case in terms of my own dynamics in this regard, nor would i want it to be; quite the opposite. Part of how i want to use and enjoy the person i ‘own’ is to share them with other people, so that they can get use and enjoyment out of my ‘property’ / ‘possession’ as well.

More generally, someone being my ‘property’ / ‘possession’ means they belong to me, such that i have a responsibility to look after them, as well as to use them for my own needs and wants. This was reflected in the kink contract i mentioned above:

3. Alexis must acknowledge and respect X's hard limits, as specified in the annex to this document.

4. Alexis must care for X's physical, mental and emotional health.

And it's within this context that i expect submission and obedience from the person i own:

7. X acknowledges she is the property of Alexis, and must obey any lawful instruction given by Alexis. X must use her safewords when she reaches her limits.

8. X acknowledges Alexis' pleasure is X's pleasure; in particular, X must make use of herself as Alexis directs her.

The second sentence of paragraph 7 is intended to counter the notion that it's some kind of failure to safeword when a limit has been reached, which is something that at least some subs worry about (and which certain ‘dominants’ unethically take advantage of). The idea is: you're not at all ‘failing’ when you safeword, you're successfully obeying an explicit instruction.

For me, being an ‘owner’ doesn't at all mean i no longer have to respect the fundamental bodily autonomy of the person i own. Even where, in some senses, it gives me more ‘rights’, those ‘rights’ are tempered by the fact that i strongly feel i also have more responsibilities towards that person.

🏷 kink,psychology


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