flexibeast.space - gemlog - 2022-07-18

Kink contracts

i currently have an owner/possession power dynamic with one of my partners. In the past, i had an owner/property dynamic with a former partner (now friend), and as a part of the dynamic, we created a ‘title deed’: a ‘contract’ (not, of course, intended to be an actual legal document) outlining what was involved in my ownership of her. Here's the text of it, reproduced here with her permission, references to her name replaced with ‘X’:

=====

Preamble

This document refers to relationship arrangements between [redacted] (hereafter, ‘Alexis’) and [redacted] (hereafter, ‘X’).

Alexis' ownership of X is based on ongoing mutual informed consent, in the context of Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Nothing in this Title Deed should be interpreted otherwise.

In cases where later (i.e. higher-numbered) rules conflict with earlier (i.e. lower-numbered) rules, earlier rules take precedence.

Definitions

The phrase “care for” and its cognates are to be interpreted as meaning “acting so as to not cause a reduction in the quality of”.

Terms of ownership

1. X must care for her own physical, mental and emotional health.

2. X must care for her relationships with [redacted] (‘husband’) and [redacted] (‘pet’).

3. Alexis must acknowledge and respect X's hard limits, as specified in the annex to this document.

4. Alexis must care for X's physical, mental and emotional health.

5. X must care for her relationship with Alexis, as Alexis must care for eir relationship with X.

6. Alexis must raise any issues ey has with X promptly, and communicate them as clearly as possible. X must raise any issues she has with Alexis promptly, and communicate them as clearly as possible.

7. X acknowledges she is the property of Alexis, and must obey any lawful instruction given by Alexis. X must use her safewords when she reaches her limits.

8. X acknowledges Alexis' pleasure is X's pleasure; in particular, X must make use of herself as Alexis directs her.

9. X must ensure she is in private contact with Alexis at least once a day.

Symbols of ownership

10. The primary symbol of Alexis' ownership of X is X's ear tag. X's ear tag is to be worn 24/7; it may only be removed for cleaning purposes, or when colouring or cutting head hair.

11. The secondary physical symbol of Alexis' ownership of X is X's collar. X must wear her collar whenever Alexis specifies.

In-relationship structures

12. Alexis must work with X to establish in-relationship structures for X, and actively support and maintain those structures.

13. Current in-relationship structures include, but are not limited to:

i. a regular time for extended VoIP-based interaction; ii. Alexis developing sexual training schedules for X so as to improve her sexual capabilities as Alexis' property.

Review

14. This document is to be reviewed annually by Alexis and X, for renewal on 31 January, amendments during the year notwithstanding.

15. Review is to begin taking place two weeks prior to the renewal date.

Amendments

16. This document can only be amended with the combined consent of both X and Alexis.

17. Amendments can be made outside the review time, and the Title Deed updated at that time.

Dissolution

18. This document can be dissolved at any time by either X or Alexis.

18. Dissolution should be put in writing, preferably in the form of an email from the dissolving party to the other party.

20. Dissolution of the Title Deed does not equal dissolution of the relationship, unless otherwise stated.

=====

We're both avid readers in general, and of SF in particular; the text:

In cases where later (i.e. higher-numbered) rules conflict with earlier (i.e. lower-numbered) rules, earlier rules take precedence.

was based on the structuring of Asimov's “Three Laws of Robotics”:

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.[a]

We made this document publicly available on X's blog, and got a lot of positive feedback about it. There was appreciation for the fact that we'd not taking a pro-forma approach, and had instead created something specific to our context; an appreciation that the well-being of the bottom was the highest priority; and an appreciation that, more generally, our contract placed more of an emphasis on the top's responsibilities and had less of a focus on all the bottom's obligations.

In a previous post, i wrote:

i'm all for using common kink aesthetics as part of your scenes/dynamics if that's what you actively want to do. But i don't want people to feel compelled to embody those aesthetics because “that's how to Do Kink”; because those are the only kink aesthetics that have ever been presented to them.

-- “Kink Aesthetics”

i feel this applies to many other areas of kink, and kink contracts are an example. To me, RACK is about finding what works for you: not about meeting others' expectations and demands of what they feel is The Way To Do Things, but about what brings you and your play partners joy and comfort and satisfaction and happiness.

🏷 kink,sexuality

Glossary

Gemlog Home

[a] Wikipedia: ‘Three Laws of Robotics’