Let's talk about how we talk about sex and entitlement
[ Originally posted in a different space, 2022-10-26. ]
In response to men behaving as though they're entitled to sex, some have pointed out that sex isn't a ‘need’ like food or shelter. This is true; it's not needed at a biological level for basic survival. But ....
People also have psychological needs. And some people have a strong sex drive, and a ‘need’ for regular sexual interaction in the sense that a lack in that regard can have significant negative consequences on mental health. And some of those people are women, and some of us have learned this the hard way.
For those of us who are women with strong sex drives, comments that make universal declarations about the extent to which sexual interaction is a ‘real’ need is yet another instance of women being invalidated and told what our needs ‘should’ and ‘shouldn't’ be - and also, effectively, another form of slut-shaming.
What is and isn't a ‘real’ need isn't the core issue. The core issue is how we go about trying to get our sexual needs met, and whether we're doing so in a way that respects the bodily autonomy, boundaries and needs of others.☙