flexibeast.space - gemlog - 2021-12-20
A(nother) kink road less travelled?
Having been browsing bdsmlr for some time now, it's been fascinating to develop impressions about what sorts of kink play people currently are and aren't into. For example, there seem to be:
- lots of feminist / progressive / lefty women kinking on patriarchy and misogyny.
- lots of trans people, both women and men, kinking on detransitioning.
- lots of pan / bi / bi-curious cis men interested in ‘sissification’ and ‘sissies’.
- many men, cis and trans, who want to be topped/dommed by a woman - seemingly by a cis woman in particular, or perhaps an AFAB genderqueer, but overwhelmingly not by a trans woman.
- many trans women who don't seem to identify as anything other than bottoms/subs, and who seem to want to be topped/dommed by cis ‘alpha’ men. i haven't got any particular impression of the extent to which these women are queer.
The first three are actually hard limits for me; none are play i'm willing to engage in, even though i can understand and respect why people might want to engage in such play. (In terms of the third, cis men cross-dressing is neither a turn-off nor a turn-on; it's the specific language of ‘sissy’ and related terms/phrases that's the hard limit.)
As a queer transgenderqueer woman, i find the fourth and fifth things particularly interesting. To what extent are those cis and trans men not regarding trans women as ‘real’ women? To what extent is it about wanting someone with a particular genital configuration? To what extent is it about perceived ‘female energy’[a]? To what extent do trans women feel that they can't be a top/dominant due to ‘power’ being coded ‘masculine’? To what extent are the lesbians amongst these trans women kinking on play with a stereotypically ‘manly’ man? Most of the trans women i know are queer, but that might not be as common as i've previously assumed.
So maybe being a dominant trans woman is quite unusual. That's okay. My journey in gender and kink has never been about following the common narratives or treading the common paths.
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[a] Which is a whole topic in itself.